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DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

16 февраля´16 17:18 Просмотров: 475 Комментариев: 18
 
Do  you speak English?
- Yes!
- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no...I mean male or female?
- Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, free style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast...(c)
 

Теги: english, speak
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Комментариев (18)
Отсортировать по дате Вниз
в_о_н_а    22.02.2016, 13:15
Оценка:  0
в_о_н_а
клас)))))
Yevseyeff    17.02.2016, 13:30
Оценка:  +1
Yevseyeff
"The word is celebrate not celibate," says the old monk with tears in his eyes.
Фейси    17.02.2016, 14:05
Оценка:  0
Фейси
does the world favor celebrities or celerity?
Фейси    17.02.2016, 14:20
Оценка:  0
Фейси
NIZ
*Buck* is a male of reindeer or goat, or even shad!
we buck the odds, we pass the buck to others, making wads
Am paddling through to shag my a$$
away from mess and creeps
they poot in Church and lend the dicks
They even poop in pants!
Инь_Я    16.02.2016, 20:43
Оценка:  +1
Инь_Я
если бы знала, что такой длинный анекдот, то не публиковала бы! там предпоследний кусочек перепутался местами с последним)))
Фейси    16.02.2016, 22:18
Оценка:  +1
Фейси
Aeonian quagmire of a desiderata!
Bravo, Innochka!
gimme something to kvell over...
Инь_Я    16.02.2016, 20:37
Оценка:  +1
Инь_Я
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
He takes a sip, and then suddenly the most incredible piano music he's ever heard starts up.
He looks around, but sees no piano, no speakers, no discernible source for the music.
Puzzled, he asks the barman, "Where is the music coming from?"
Инь_Я    16.02.2016, 20:38
Оценка:  +1
Инь_Я
The barman answers, "Well I've got this little guy about one foot high, playing this little piano under the bar."
"No, seriously", says the guy, "where is it coming from?"
"Well, if you don't believe me, take a look and see for yourself", says the barman.
The guy gets up, walks around the bar
Инь_Я    16.02.2016, 20:38
Оценка:  +1
Инь_Я
and looks underneath.
Sure enough, there's this tiny little man playing a tiny little piano.
The little man waves and asks if he has any requests.
Amazed, he asks the barman, "Where in hell did you get that little guy?"
The barman answers, "Well, I was taking the trash out into the alley and saw
Инь_Я    16.02.2016, 20:40
Оценка:  +1
Инь_Я
this old dirty lamp.
I rubbed the dirt off it, and suddenly this genie popped out and said 'I'll grant you one wish, but one wish only!
So now I have this little man."
"Wow!"
, says the guy, "is that lamp still out there?"
"I guess so", says the barman, "go out and take a look."
Инь_Я    16.02.2016, 20:40
Оценка:  +1
Инь_Я
The guy rushes out the back door and sure enough, there's this dirty old lamp.
He picks it up and rubs it.
Out pops the genie and says, "I'll grant you one wish, but one wish only!"
Beside himself with excitement, the guy yells, "I want a million bucks!"
Инь_Я    16.02.2016, 20:40
Оценка:  +1
Инь_Я
Disgusted, he walks back into the bar and says to the barman, "Man, this genie of yours has a real problem with his hearing!"
"No kidding", says the barman, "did you really think I asked him for a 12-inch pianist?"
Инь_Я    16.02.2016, 20:42
Оценка:  +1
Инь_Я
The next instant the alley is filled with a million quacking ducks.
Небо-И-Земля    17.02.2016, 02:47
Оценка:  +1
Небо-И-Земля
By the way, bucks could be a deer too ;-)
Фейси    17.02.2016, 14:26
Оценка:  0
Фейси
from *Plato and Platypus walk into a bar*
"A guy comes home and finds his wife in bed. He opens the closet to hang up his coat, and finds his best friend standing there, naked. Stunned, he says, "Lenny, what are you doing here?" Lenny shrugs and says, "Everybody's got to to be someplace."
Фейси    17.02.2016, 14:27
Оценка:  0
Фейси
In this gag, Lenny is giving a Hegelian. The question is about the existential circumstances in the here-and-now, but the answer is from a grand, universal vantage point!

Jump up
Zmee_Love    16.02.2016, 18:22
Оценка:  +2
Zmee_Love
- Dry martini?
- Zwei, please...
;-)
Фейси    16.02.2016, 22:10
Оценка:  +1
Фейси
Trocken ist nicht drei, aber zwei trockenen Martini ist.
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